TO BODDAH

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an
experienced simpleton who
obviously would rather be an
emasculated, infantile
complainee. This note should be
pretty easy to understand. All
the warnings from the punk rock
101 courses over the years, since
my first introduction to the,
shall we say, ethics involved
with independence and the
embracement of your community
has proven to be very true. I
haven't felt the excitement of
listening to as well as creating
music along with reading and
writing for too many years now.
I feel guity beyond words about
these things. For example when
we're back stage and the lights go
out and the manic roar of the
crowd begins it doesn't affect me
the way in which it did for
Freddie Mercury who seemed to
love, relish in the the love and
adoration from the crowd which
is something I totally admire and
envy. The fact is, I can't fool you.
Any one of you. It simply isn't
fair to you or me. The worst
crime I can think of would be to
rip people off by faking it and
pretending as if I'm having 100%
fun. Sometimes I feel as if I
should have a punch-in time
clock before I walk out on stage.
I’ve tried everything within my
power to appreciate it (and I
do,God, believe me I do, but it’s
not enough). I appreciate the fact
that I and we have affected and
entertained a lot of people. It
must be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when
they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I
need to be slightly numb in order
to regain the enthusiasms I once
had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a
much better appreciation for all
the people I’ve known
personally, and as fans of our
music, but I still can’t get over
the frustration, the guilt and
empathy I have for everyone.
There’s good in all of us and I
think I simply love people too
much, so much that it makes me
feel too fucking sad. The sad
little, sensitive, unappreciative,
Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you
just enjoy it? I don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who
sweats ambition and empathy
and a daughter who reminds me
too much of what i used to be,
full of love and joy, kissing every
person she meets because
everyone is good and will do her
no harm. And that terrifies me
to the point to where I can
barely function. I can’t stand the
thought of Frances becoming the
miserable, self-destructive, death
rocker that I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and
I’m grateful, but since the age of
seven, I’ve become hateful
towards all humans in general.
Only because it seems so easy for
people to get along that have
empathy. Only because I love
and feel sorry for people too
much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my
burning, nauseous stomach for
your letters and concern during
the past years. I’m too much of
an erratic, moody baby! I don’t
have the passion anymore, and
so remember, it’s better to burn
out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at
your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for
Frances.
For her life, which will be so
much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

Kurt's last words